The thing about autism is that sometimes it downright sucks. You can smack on your smiley, happy face and post witty anecdotes on your social media. But what you really want to say, when your well-intentioned friends and colleagues ask, is that it. freaking. sucks.
Autism will make you feel like you are both the BEST and WORST parent, all at the same time. It will pat you on the back, consoling you: “There, there. You’re doing fine. He’s doing fine.” Simultaneously, it will trip you and laugh at your surprised pain and bewilderment: “Ha! That’s what you get for trusting me!”
Autism is an asshole. It will drain you of every ounce of joy.
Autism is also beautiful and amazing, and will bring you to absolute tears.
Autism will make you feel like you are neglecting your “typical” kids because you’re so consumed and concerned with your Atypical child.
It will make you feel guilty; guilty for:
-failing your child
-exalting your child
-feeling resentful towards friends and their “perfect” children
-drowning in a few glasses of wine almost every night
-exploiting your child by blogging about him.
Autism will make you question the motivation for every decision you make. It will cause you and your spouse to fight. It will force you to be the referee between autistic big brother and non-autistic little brother.
Autism will sit across from you at the dinner table, eating corn kernels with fingers and not a fork. It will force you to PICK YOUR BATTLES, and you will decide the method of corn consumption is not one of those.
Autism will talk to you for 30+ minutes, in great detail and at a fast pace, about Minecraft; you will understand none of it.
Autism will make you wonder if your child will ever truly comprehend just how much you love them.
The thing about autism… is EVERYTHING.