So there’s really no educational value to this blog. I’m simply unloading details of my life for the sake of it…
I found out about 3 weeks ago that I’m pregnant! And while everyone on the homefront is thrilled about it, I recently got hit hard by the reality of pregnancy. That is: nausea, tender bosom bits, and sheer and utter exhaustion. So my daily routine of mom duties, gym trips, errand-running, and piles of homework have now become huge challenges. I can’t make it through a couple hours at the computer working on my impending 12-page paper without the need for a nap. And the gym or going for a run? Forget about it.
Registration for spring semester is this week, and I have ambitiously (mentally) signed myself up for 19 credit hours– the most I’ve ever taken in one semester is 15– all in the hope that there is some inkling of hope I can still manage to have a baby in June and still be able to graduate by December of 2012. I feel I may be biting off more than I can chew…and I can chew a LOT.
Which leads to me to a frustrating conclusion (albeit one which I did consider before deciding to get knocked up):
How is a woman supposed to have it all, do it all, be everything? I knew I needed to finish school, so I have been hell-bent on getting it done; but having a child with my fiance (his only biological one) is also paramount. And on the cusp of my 35th birthday, the baby sitch needed to happen sooner than later. But let’s be honest: even if I waited until after I graduated, I’d still have all the hurdles I have now, on top of the added pressure of finally nabbing that dream job. And how would my employers feel about their newest team member asking for maternity leave so soon into gaining employment? And how and with whom could I entrust a brand new baby when I’m working full time?
I have to believe that everything is going to work out exactly as it was meant to. I know that wherever I end up career-wise, I will be an asset. But I want to be a wonderful wife and mother too. I’m sure there’s a balance…now how to find it.